This is gonna be a good day. I can tell. This story may be geared more to the females in my audience, but you 'males' can still read it. ;) I had a dream last night that I was on my period. It was awful. I was so disappointed and cried a lot in my dream. Then I woke up, so happy that it was all a dream! A short time later I found out it WASN'T a dream. A period isn't a huge thing. I have had quite a few over the years. But when I wake up, sooo happy that I am not having one and then I get thrown in the opposite direction... well, it was hard to take. So tears in my dream and real tears this morning. *sigh* I am already having some pretty bad cramps and I am ready to just go back to bed and gorge myself on sweets. But Russell had this super stinky diaper, so I went to his room to change it. I had wiped him all clean but was looking for some cream for a little rash he had. When suddenly, much to my dismay, he started PEEING ALL OVER ME! I screamed and he stopped. I just sat there for a second in shock -- he hasn't done this in a really long time. And then he STARTED PEEING ON ME AGAIN!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! I told him to stop and quickly put on a diaper this time. WHY ME!??

That's it. I'm going back to bed.

Scott and I had a very eventful evening last night. It began regular enough... We were rushing to finish dinner, sending kids to the bathroom, helping Erin get dressed for her soccer game, and trying to clean off the baby. How he manages to get food on the back of his head is beyond me. Richie had been sitting on the toilet for quite a while. I had, in fact, managed to get everyone except Russell finished and sent out to the van when Richie called out that he was done.

I went in there, wiped him off good, and flushed a very full toilet. The water began to run... and rise... and continued running... and rising... and I took off in a panic to find the plunger. I came back and began plunging the toilet, careful not to splash and careful not to throw up. It's so gross sometimes to be a mom. The plunging was working, but very, VERY slowly. Scott came in and offered to help and I bit his head off, telling him to go load Russell in the car if he wanted to help. I finally started out to the van. Erin was supposed to arrive at her game early so the coach could work with the kids on some stuff. And we were already late. I met Scott on the way out and told him it was fruitless work and we were probably going to have to take the toilet apart. He started towards the bathroom and promised to join me later. I told him he would miss Erin's game if he got too involved with that toilet. He promised he would get there on time. So I left. As I was backing up, I asked Richie if he had put anything into the toilet. He said, "Ya. Ruffie." That's his word for dog. AARRGH!!! I got after him pretty good about putting things in the toilet and told him he had ruined it!! Now it was broken because he had put Ruffie in the toilet!! I called Scott and told him what Richie had done. I was super upset and complaining about how we were going to have to take the whole toilet apart, but Scott just said, "It's ok. We love having kids." I don't know why he was so calm about it. I guess we can't both lose control at the same time.

So the gist of the matter is, he made it to the game on time. And after we all got back from Erin's game, we had to to take the toilet completely apart. It was a lot of disgusting, smelly work, and I think it made both of us a little sick. Here is a picture of the little bugger who clogged up our toilet:

And here is a picture of the "Ruffie" he decided to flush down the toilet:

Scott wasn't as easy-going about it with Richie once he had to dig this guy out of the bottom of the toilet. He kept getting after him and saying he was going to spank him. Richie kept saying he wouldn't do it anymore and "NO! Me don't like spankings!" I kept laughing and laughing. Scott was even able to get the toilet all put back together again and it works!!  He is such a great handyman to have around. And amazingly enough, I think that -- yes, we both still love having kids.

Wow. I have so much to say. This may take awhile... :)
First of all, SCHOOL HAS BEGUN!!!! Hooray!! As you can see from the picture below, everyone woke up early and was excited for this big milestone. Erin began 3rd grade this year and Zach began 2nd!! I can't believe how old they are getting. Wally will start Preschool in about a week and a half. He is very anxious to begin since the older two have already started.

So our fall sports have also begun. Zachie is playing football with his first game on Friday!! Erin and Wally are both playing soccer. Erin's first game is next Wednesday, but Wally has already played his first game and he was so excited for it. He kept reminding me that if someone on his team scored a goal, it was okay because it was like he scored a goal too since they were on the same team. I wondered if he was trying to convince me or himself.

He did a great job and ran hard, but all those little 4-year-old's were getting pretty tired by the end of the game. They just kind of stood there and kicked at the ball. Then one of them would fall on top of it and they would all stand there for a minute. A coach would help the kid up, and then they would all start to tumble. (It probably helped that a few little ones would shove their way through the throng of children gathered around the ball) I swear the last 5 minutes were spent just falling and getting up. Scott and I were laughing so hard. Afterwards, Wally told me that soccer games were really hard.



Ok, next on my list is Erin got glasses!! Towards the end of last school year, she began complaining that she couldn't see the board at school and things, and so we promised her that we would get her eyes checked out for the next school year. We were a little late, and she didn't quite have them for the first day of school, but we picked them up yesterday and she wore them to school today. It is funny how excited you are to first get glasses. It's the wearing them year after year after year that gets old... She is sooo incredibly cute in them though! She is such a beautiful girl. After school yesterday, she and I were just sitting and chatting about school and kids and her teacher. At one point we were both laughing so hard, tears were coming out of our eyes. I haven't laughed like that since I was a teenager. She is already becoming one of my best friends, and she's not even nine years old. I am so lucky to have her!

Scott and I have passwords set up on our phones to mostly protect them from the kids. Wally hates the fact that he doesn't know our passwords and is constantly begging us to tell them to him. The other day he was asking Scott to please tell him the password. Scott shook his head. "PLEASE Dad?? I have a really bad memory and so I'll just forget it anyway." What a smart kid! I can't believe he's four years old and using that kind of logic on us already.

Zach lost his front tooth!!! He had been talking about it being loose all week long and asking his dad to pull it out. So finally, Scott announced to the whole family, "Tomorrow, I am going to pull out Zach's tooth." Then he warned Zach he needed to really work on it so it would be loose enough to come out. Zach worked on it and wiggled it all day faithfully until night came. After scriptures, Scott called him over and yanked that tooth right out!! Zach said it hurt a little but he didn't cry and was very brave. :)
He was holding the tooth and came over to me and asked, "Mom, is there really a tooth fairy?"
"Of course there is a tooth fairy, Zach. Who do you think gets your teeth and leaves money under the pillow?"
"Well, I was thinking maybe you and dad did it."
"What?! What would we want to do with all those teeth?"
*pause*... "Make a bracelet?"
Scott and I couldn't stop laughing. Oh, Zachie. You are the most creative kid I know. It's so much fun to be your mom!

It has really been awhile since I have added an entry. It has been too much fun of a summer for me to sit down and write, I guess. We have been so busy and gone on several little trips as a family and had a ball! I sure love my little family!

So last week Scott and I talked about the possibility of heading up the canyon and going camping. Neither of us were super excited about the idea (although compared to Scott, I was thrilled). It was funny because he was the one who suggested it. Maybe he feels obligated because the kids talk about it all the time... But anyway, Scott and I finally decided we just couldn't go through with it. We have our little 9 month old, campfires aren't allowed right now up the canyon, we have none of the fancy camping cooking stuff, and... we don't really like camping. haha... However, to pacify the children, Scott set up the tent in the backyard and let them sleep in it. They were soooo excited!

They pulled out their sleeping bags and pillows but did not want to go outside. It was too dark, even with the lights on in our house and the neighboring houses. So I went out with them and got them all settled. They started begging me to stay, everyone talking at once. Erin kept asking if they were going to have enough light and whispered to me asking, "What if Wally has an accident all over everybody?" I quietly assured her he would be fine but secretly just crossed my fingers. I always feel like it's a 50/50 chance with Wally. I always joke that Wally never has an accident during the day, only at night. Richie never has an accident during the night, only during the day. *sigh* Wally was whining a little and asked me if bugs could get inside (I shook my head), and Richie wouldn't get in his sleeping bag. He kept crawling and jumping all over everybody. Zach said he was going to have nightmares, and I gave him kind of a sideways glare and harshly whispered for him to "BE QUIET SO YOU DON'T SCARE EVERYONE" through my teeth. I was not going to have gone through all this work for nothing. Besides, I liked the idea of the memories it would create if they could just muster the courage and stay. And staying out there with them was not an option. :)

I told them I was going to go get my camera and come back. I took a bunch of pictures, which they thought was great fun. I told them they were so lucky because they got to sleep right by each other for the whole night!! And they could tell each other stories as late as they wanted, as long as they weren't scary, or sing songs, or do whatever they wanted. Zach was thrilled when I agreed he could play out in the yard as soon as he woke up. They seemed much happier. I told them all good night, zipped them up, and headed inside.

Richie lasted about 3 minutes. Erin brought him in crying, but then she headed right back out. The other three made it all through the night. I was so proud of them! Nobody coming in crying with bad dreams, and Wally didn't even wet the bed (sleeping bag). What a great adventure!

We have some big news!! We have cement in our backyard now!! I'm not gonna lie. I feel pretty proud of our backyard. We have a basketball goal with a court that extends back to the three point line at least in some spots. We have a tramp and a big swingset! And we will get a little kiddie pool for Richie's birthday in two weeks (shh... don't tell him). I feel proud of how fun it is back there! We are so blessed!! Here are some pics of the process. It was so fun to watch! Even the neighborhood kids loved watching them work their magic. We even got to put the kid's handprints in the cement! I added a pic of Russell's. It doesn't look perfect, but it will still provide some great memories! :)

I had the most amazing thing happen to me yesterday that testifies of the goodness of people in general and also of Heavenly Father's watchful care over me. So yesterday I had a doctor's appointment with my OBGYN in Salt Lake, just my regular yearly checkup. Since I was driving into Salt Lake and gas isn't cheap, we tried to combine everything I could into that same visit. I left as soon as the kids left on the bus, bringing all three little boys with me. I got the oil and filter changed and tires rotated on the van and then headed to my appointment. After that, I promised the kids lunch at Costco. Then shopping at Costco, Walmart, and Deseret Book. Unfortunately, my doctor was running about an hour behind. And then, when I got into the room, it still took about another 20 min before I saw her. So by the time we were eating lunch at Costco, it was about 1:15. The kids get off the bus at 3:45, and Lindsey had to go into work at that same time. I determined I was going to have to cut something out to make it home in time, and since I was already at Costco, I decided I would cut out Walmart. We did all of our Costco shopping. I had planned on spending about $50, but it rang up about $98. Depressing.
Then I remembered that I had no idea what my PIN number was. Costco doesn't take my VISA card, which is what I always use. I had to use my debit card. I had written down my PIN number at one point but had lost it, and I haven't had to actually use my debit card in months and months. I could vaguely remember the numbers, but after three tries, the checker and I both decided I wasn't going to get it right. I did not have my checkbook, and I informed the checker I lived too far away for them to hold the groceries for me. I was so embarrassed because Costco was SUPER busy and all these people were waiting, and I was so angry at myself for wasting all that time on a day when I was already pressed for time. Now I would still have to cut out the Walmart shopping and I wasn't going to get Costco done either. I was biting back tears and apologized several times to the workers as she announced a "1021" or whatever into the loudspeaker for someone to come get all my stuff. I began unloading my kids from the cart when the lady behind me in line came up and handed me a receipt. I said, "Oh, thank you," confusedly. She smiled at me and told me to have a nice day. I looked at the receipt and realized she had paid for all of my groceries. I just started bawling. I am still crying now even writing about it. A $100 is a lot of money to just give away to a total stranger. I reloaded the kids and thanked her again, but I couldn't talk very much through all the tears. She just smiled again and told me to have a great day. I don't even know her name. She doesn't know mine. But she is my sister and truly an angel from my Father in Heaven, and she was definitely on His errand yesterday. She was a huge blessing to me, and I only pray that someday I will be in that same situation and I will be able to help someone like she helped me. It meant so much.
The Lord truly watches over us and takes care of us and sends us angels like this when we need them. I did not expect the help. I don't know that I deserved it. With just a little foresight, I could have avoided the whole situation. But the Lord blessed me anyway, and I am so grateful for Him and for the wonderful woman he placed in line behind me.

Yesterday evening I went to the grocery store with Wally, Richie, and Russell. Wally and Richie hung onto sides of the cart and did pretty well, although a little hyper, throughout the store. Then at the very end, Richie wanted Wally's spot on the cart, and Wally did not want to share. So began his royal fit. It began as screaming and sitting down, informing me he was "not going to leave this spot." I walked away. Then he followed screaming, trying to force his way back onto his spot on the cart, lots of jumping up and down, throwing himself on the ground, and more screaming. He did not hit, which looking back on it, says a lot. I did not help matters very much and mostly ignored him. I should have stopped and talked him through it. Wally is the kind of kid that works very well with, but I didn't. And as I was trying to leave the store with him trying to block my way (screaming all the while), I finally grabbed his arm, pinched him, and told him I was very close to spanking him and he better move NOW. He did. But he was not happy with me. Yelling about how I hurt him, he followed me to the van. When we got there, he yelled to me that when daddy got home, I was gonna be in trouble! I said when daddy got home, HE was the one who was going to be in trouble. He responded that he was going to tell daddy that I had pinched his arm and daddy was going to be mad at me! I told him that I would tell daddy how he had thrown fits in the grocery store and daddy was going to mad at him! But I was honestly laughing very hard inside. He was threatening me with his daddy. Scott has made quite an impression on our children. He makes us all believe that he will back each of us 100% of the time and will always be on our side. I know I feel the same way (although with me it's actually true). That is a difficult task to accomplish, because he even though he definitely still disciplines them and makes them obey, he lets them know he loves them and they know he listens to them. I don't always listen, as I proved in the store. I often just react or send them away to their rooms so I can ignore them until they calm down. He is such a good, patient father.

This morning during my cereal, I read the talk by President Boyd K. Packer from this last General Conference address, entitled, "And a Little Child Shall Lead Them." Beautiful, amazing talk. It made me cry to hear it and cry to read it again. He gives a quote from Psalm 127:3,5. "Children are an heritage of the Lord: and... happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them." When I read that, I immediately thought of my experience with Wally at the store last night. I definitely feel like my quiver is full of children, and I don't know that I felt happy about it last night during Wally's tantrum in the middle of Soelberg's. Ok, I didn't feel happy about it. I felt embarrassed and frustrated and somewhat angry. But if I would have thought more on this scripture, I could have had a better outlook, and probably been more helpful to Wally. He isn't just a little boy throwing a fit, he is an heritage of the Lord. And the truth is, I am happy, so happy to have Wally.  Just like I am happy to have my sweet little girl Erin, even after she bawls at me that nobody in this family loves her or understands her and runs down to her room dramatically. I am happy to have my hilarious little Zachie, who gets in trouble at school for talking out of turn or taking other kid's things just to get attention. I am happy to have adorable little Richie, who unrolls the whole roll of toilet paper in the bathroom or leaves his popsicle melting all over the countertop, ruining notebooks and bills and every other paper I have laying around. And I am so happy to have my sweet, happy little baby Russell, whom I stayed up nursing for over an hour last night and finally got him back to his crib, only to have him wake up again in a half hour.

I am happy to have each of them, as close as they are and no matter what hard times we have. They make me laugh so hard and they make my heart full when they hug me or draw me pictures or pick me flowers. I LOVE having my quiver full of children. I love being surrounded by them at church, and taking their pictures with them all lined up. I love turning on music to start cleaning and watching them all dance around the house. I think of my good mom, who now has an empty nest at home and how much she still would much prefer to be surrounded by her children and grandchildren than to have peace and quiet at home. I love this stage of my life. It is not always easy, it is definitely not quiet, but it is happy. I am so grateful to have my quiver full of children. What a blessing they are to me! This Mother's Day weekend, I am reminded how lucky I am to be a mother to so many wonderful little children. They do make me happy!!

I know why they nickname this stage "the terrible twos." My little Richie has been so easy-going and easy to take care of since he was born. He was happy as a baby and slept well. He has even now taken to potty-training very well. He has so many wonderful qualities and makes me laugh all the time.

But boy is he a little stinker! I remember getting so frustrated with Wally during this stage of life, and it has now really settled in that it is not the child, it is the age. The other day, Wally came to tell me that Richie had locked himself in the bathroom and couldn't get out because the doorknob was all soapy. Perfect. So I got a butter knife and unlocked the door and found soap all over him, the countertop, and all over his head. I stuck his head under the bathtub faucet and rinsed off his head amidst screaming and yelling and lots of kicking. He remembered it well enough to tell Scott about it that night. "Mommy got water on my head and me cried and cried. Waaaaaa," as he put his hands on his eyes. He is a good actor. I am hoping it was traumatic enough to make him not do it again. We'll see.

He also is consistently doing things I tell him not to do as he looks at me and smiles. He loves getting a reaction out of me until he gets a reaction. Then he cries (and continues to fake-cry long after the real cry ends) and tells me how I hurt him and how I made him sad and now he is "crying."

He loves little Russell, but he can be too rough with him and I am constantly getting after him. "Get your feet away from the baby's face!!" "I told you that you can't feed the baby anything! Only mommy!" "Don't hit the baby on the head! That hurts!" "Why did you take Russell's toy?" "Get off the baby! You can't sit on him!" Each one of these comments is followed by a smile but nothing else until I stomp towards him. Then he quickly stops hitting or gets off the baby or runs away and drops the toy. It is often frustrating to raise this child. He thinks it's funny to get my attention and just laughs when he does something wrong. He reminds me so much of Zach that it's unreal. Scott and I talk about it all the time, about how much Zach has prepared us for Richie. One thing about it is Russell is going to be pretty tough, if he survives.

Richie idolizes Wally and often just follows him around and repeats whatever he says. Wally: "Mommy, I want a snack." Richie: "Mommy, me want a snack." Mom: "Then go get one." Wally: "I want you to make me a sandwich." Richie: "Me want you to make me a sandwich." Mom: "Not right now." Wally: "Aawww. Please, mom?" Richie: "Aawww. Please, mom?" Seriously, it goes on and on and on. It's pretty stinking adorable. Richie has given me the same problem every other two-year-old I have raised has given me. Frustration and anger and ready to just beat the child and then laughing my head off the next minute. I know I give mixed signals all the time, but sometimes I can't help it. He is a stinker, but he is a smart one and he truly makes me laugh all the time. He insists lately on being called, Richie Richie instead of just Richie. He really is a wonderful boy and always wants to help, and he loves to sing and laugh and dance. His dancing is truly hilarious. So, terrible twos? Yes. Terrific twos? Yes. All within ten seconds of each other. Nothing else is like motherhood.

Here is a picture of Wally in the hospital right after he knocked the light fixture down on his head.

They glued it shut. It's been several weeks, but as you can see from this other picture, the scar and the glue are still there. I was looking at him yesterday with the scar on his forehead, bloody nose tissue and dried blood all over his face, big fat lip from a trampoline accident, and even walking with a limp from crashing into Zach at the park. I had to take his picture. He is my daredevil, live or die child. Sure to cause me lots of worry and lots of money. :( My mom said he was my "little Jeremiah." Those of you who know my brother Jeremiah will understand what that means. ;)

And from this cutie little patootie, you can see Richie and I have been working on potty-training! Oh, exciting time of life. So much money saved on diapers, so much spent on carpet and laundry cleaning expenses. (Not to mention therapy for me from all the stress. haha) Seriously, though, he has been doing a really good job. There have been several days where he goes by without a single accident. The last two days he hasn't had a "Number 1" accident at all. He even goes on his own, pulls up his pants and everything without me reminding him. But he has had "Number 2" accidents both days. Ugh. I am getting tired of it too. It is seriously disgusting. Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. Wally and Richie sat there watching me wash Richie's underwear off in the toilet bowl and Wally asked me why I was doing it. "Because Richie pooped all over his underwear and somebody has to clean it now, right? And guess who is the mom? Me. So guess who has to clean up all the gross stuff? Me! Because I'm the mom. Me! Me!" as I angrily scrubbed underwear in poopy water. ha ha ha... He was quiet after that. Probably thought I had lost my mind. But Richie really is trying hard, and I am impressed with how well he is doing. His biggest motivation is not treats or stickers or anything, but the ability to wear pants. He HATES it if I just make him wear his underwear. That's his punishment if he has an accident, and I sincerely think that is why he goes so successfully. He always mentions getting to wear his pants because he is such a big boy. What an adorable little guy. I seriously just love him!!!

So I have always known how much I am like my mom. I notice it more and more the older my kids get, but it is nothing really new to me. But yesterday, I also realized how much I am also like my dad.

My dad has the habit of beginning a project and quickly going crazy with it. Don't deny it, dad. You know it's true. No one could ever possibly deny that you do the project well. Very well. It's amazing how much you accomplish and how awesome it looks afterwards. We just have always felt you kind of go crazy with it. It's like, he decides that he's going to sweep out the garage. That's how it begins, but pretty soon everything -- cars, cabinets, toys, tools, etc -- have been emptied out of the garage and he is putting up drywall, texturing and painting, and then building shelves on every wall. Ok, this isn't an actual example, but situations like this have happened over and over and over again. He just gets carried away.

So yesterday, I decided I was finally going to redo the caulking on the floor around the bathtub in the kid's bathroom. They had begun ripping up the old caulking just for fun. What else are they gonna do with all their free time? I mean, really? And with how much they splash with their bath routine, I knew this would quickly become a problem. So I ripped up the old caulking and cleaned up everything like I should, and put down new caulking around the floor of the tub. This took me quite a while but I finally got the hang of it as I finished. Then I saw a few spots around the tub that could use some re-caulking, which I also did. Then I proceeded to do the bathroom sink, the back of the backsplash on our kitchen countertops, the sink in the master bathroom, and to finish it all, I scraped and pulled and removed all of the caulking around the tub in the master bathroom and put new caulking around our tub. It took me hours to complete all these tasks. It was early day for the kids, so they were home and needed my attention. I had laundry that I needed to take out of the dryer and fold and put away. My dishes were so backed up and piled all over the countertops. I have a goal to exercise every day, and I had not exercised yet -- obviously not showered or anything that comes after exercising. Plus, I was getting closer and closer to beginning my piano lessons for the evening. I had thrown a quick lunch together for Wally and Richie, but I hadn't eaten anything, and I was getting more and more onery the more obsessed I became with completely re-caulking our home.

After doing our tub, I decided it was time to be done (It probably helped that my baby Russell was starving and demanding to be fed). It wasn't until later in the day, however, that it suddenly occurred to me that I am just like my dad. I began what should have been a simple and relatively quick project. But it turned into this huge ordeal and took hours out of my day, successfully eliminating my opportunity to exercise or finish the laundry. In my defense, I do think I did a good job -- just like my dad.

Yesterday we had just a small square of cheesecake leftover from Gabe's birthday dinner at their house on Sunday. I asked Wally and Richie if they wanted to eat it with me. OF COURSE. So we got it out and Wally asked if we would be cutting it up into three sections. I said, no, let's just each get a fork and eat what we want, for some reason thinking it would be a similar experience as when Scott and I share something. It was not. As soon as I gave them their forks, Wally and Richie attacked this thing like their lives depended on it. I mentioned to slow down, but they both kept going full speed, not taking time to swallow or hardly chew before another bite was shoved in. Wally even grabbed little pieces with his fingers that were taking too long with his fork and shoved them into his mouth. Finally, I just put down my fork and started laughing until my sides hurt. Next time, I will make sure I cut it into sections. Do boys always eat with such desperation??

Last night for FHE, we made our Easter baskets! The kids were so excited all day. Every year, we cut out part of milk cartons and decorate them into Easter baskets with construction paper! I'm sure someone with more creative talent could really put some impressive stuff into this project, but I just make it as simple as possible for myself. We always always did Easter baskets this way when I was a kid. I remember LOVING it. I think we all did, although I remember in my later years, Justin pulling out an old ice cream bucket and slapping it on the table with a "There. I'm done." haha. Maybe it wasn't as fun for teenage boys as it was for me. It saves money, but I feel like even more important, it's a fun Easter project that we all get to do together!!! :)

This year, Erin made a kitten, Zach made a Batman/Robin depending on which side of the basket you looked at, Wally made a Spiderman Bunny, Richie made a Buzz Lightyear, and Russell's was Easter eggs hidden in grass. Scott did Richie's and Russell's, and I helped with Wally's. Erin and Zach did theirs by themselves, and did a very impressive job, I might add! Lindsey was out with friends last night, but I am gonna try to talk her into doing one later. Scott wasn't super thrilled that I assigned him two of them this year, but he did a really great job, don't you think?! We all had fun, laughing and joking. Russell fell asleep in his swing at one point and Wally took it upon himself to walk around monitoring how loud we were talking. "SHHHHH! Whisper! Russell is sleeping the whole way!!" was all we heard anytime a comment was made. No tears or anything this year, just lotsa fun. :) We had Easter candy on the table for our treat, which I think helped in the excitement of it all. Scott jokingly complained about the candy I chose as he ate handful after handful. Here are some pics.... I took a pic of Zach's from each side.

My mom sent Zach a $10 bill for his birthday last week. It has been sitting in the same spot on the counter since it arrived. I kept thinking every time I passed it that I really needed to move it somewhere safe, but I was always busy and just moved things around it so it could stay.

Last night we went at a sing-along concert at the elementary school. There was a guy from the State Dept. of Education who had written all these songs about "Dimension Prevention." It was cute and I had fun watching Erin and Zach, but not cute enough for me to want to buy the CDs they were selling afterward for $10 each. Erin and Zach did not feel the same, along with pretty much every other kid there. Did they brainwash these kids? Anyway, I didn't have any money with me, but Zach begged and begged and begged to use his birthday money to buy one of these CDs. I saw my neighbor there writing out a check to buy her kids a couple of the CDs and I asked her if she would add $10 to her check for us. As soon as we got home, I promised, one of the kids would run her the money over. I knew right where the money was, on the counter, of course.

What was I thinking??? We scoured the kitchen and went through every last piece of paper on that countertop. I searched through my bedroom, the bathroom, the boy's room, the baby's room, the piano, my pockets, my wallet, and EVERYWHERE ELSE at least three times each. I could not remember doing anything with this money, but I remember wanting to do something with it so often that I thought maybe I had moved it. I finally texted my neighbor to tell her we couldn't find the money and I didn't have any cash on hand, but I would bring it the next day.

I was soooo frustrated by this point. Seriously, what is wrong with me? Why didn't I put that money somewhere safe as soon as it arrived in the mail? I left it in the worst possible spot. I am really really careful when I clean off my counter and throw things away, but all I could figure was that I had thrown it away. There was simply no other option. I was in feeding the baby and Scott was tutoring a girl on our kitchen table when he sent me this text. "Have you said a prayer? Or asked Erin?" Every time I have ever lost anything -- or anybody has lost anything for that matter -- and Erin has said a prayer, it has been found. EVERY TIME. Even when I was beyond hope that it could be found, it was found. She has built my faith immeasurably. And yet every time, I reach that point where I am sure that this time, this time, it is gone forever. Why is my faith so weak? I struggle to have faith in my own prayers at times like this, but Erin does not, which is why I think her prayers always work. Also, I think I feel that it is my own fault and irresponsibility that the thing is lost in the first place, so Heavenly Father is not going to just show me where something is that I should be able to find myself and shouldn't have lost anyway! Ugh. I dunno.

Anyway, hence the text from Scott about asking Erin to pray. I had not. I was too upset to pray or even ask Erin to pray. Too frustrated to really even respond much to his question. And being the wonderful husband he is, he let me work it out and didn't run off to ask Erin himself, which is something I probably would have done. I tell him later in the evening that I am sure I must have thrown it away because I have checked everywhere else, and he wanted to go through the trash for me, right then and there!! I can't believe the wonderful man I married. That is true love, to be willing to dig through a disgusting garbage can searching for a $10 bill your wife threw away. Anyway, I would not let him do it because I had thrown away some really gross things in there yesterday and, I assured him, I wasn't for positive sure that I had actually thrown it away yet.

Then while I was putting Erin to bed, I asked her to say an extra prayer and please ask that I would find that money. She did.

So today, honestly, I haven't thought much about it except about when I could make it to the bank and withdraw $10. I, in my lack of faith, had again given up on ever finding Zach's birthday money. But lo and behold, I was folding laundry and FOUND IT!!!!!!!!!! It was in Zach's pants' pocket. I don't even know why I stuck my hand in there today because I was not thinking about it at all. But I did, and there it was. I couldn't believe it! Even now I am amazed how this happens every single time!! I know the Lord is watching me thinking, "Ok, Shannon. NOW will you believe me?" What would I do without the innocent, perfect faith of my 8-year-old and the gentle prompting of my loving husband? I am so grateful for prayer, and that my Heavenly Father has so much patience with me. I know the Lord cares about me and cares about the things that are important to me, even if it is only a lost $10 bill.

I am a wreck. I am tired beyond belief and my house is a disaster area. Here is my confession. I am lucky if I get to the dishes and the laundry and dinner. I am supposed to get laundry done on Mondays and Thursdays. It usually gets washed, but rarely folded let alone put away. I don't remember when I last washed everyone's sheets. Everything beyond laundry, dinner, and dishes doesn't even come close to happening. That includes sweeping, mopping, taking a shower or fixing my own hair, vacuuming, cleaning the bathroom, making beds, picking up the downstairs, cleaning the toyroom, cleaning the hamster cage (Erin told me last night she is just getting used to the stink of it, so it's ok. Heaven forgive me), let alone doing things I want to do like playing the piano or reading or watching a show or reading to the kids.

I am exaggerating some. I do pick up some things sometimes, like when I trip over it or when somebody else is coming over and will see that room. I do shower, although sometimes it's late at night when it finally happens. I occasionally sweep/vacuum -- when it's bad enough. I do usually remember to bathe the kids, although that is sometimes even spotty. I also clean bad areas in the bathrooms occasionally, and Scott usually does a pretty good job of them on the weekends. But everything is basically true.

I walk through my house this morning and just want to cry -- out of depression and being overwhelmed with how much I am truly lacking in this job. I would get fired if I had a boss. You may ask, why are you so behind? What do you do all day? I ask myself the same thing. Obviously I spend some time on the computer. However, I would like to think that is therapeutic and part of what keeps me functioning. Um... I nurse a lot. I teach piano lessons three nights a week. I am just mostly tired. I know I could get more done if I had some energy, but it somehow evades me. I have been exercising pretty regularly recently which gives me an energy boost of about one hour.

I think of my future and look at all my children. I have five (so far), very close in age. I know things just get busier the older they get. Also, I would like to teach elementary school someday when my kids are all in school. HOW WILL I POSSIBLY SURVIVE MY FUTURE!?!?!?! I don't think I am surviving now. UGH.

I have decided. There is no other solution really. I am hiring a maid. And a nanny. Anybody interested in working for me? The pay isn't much... non-existent really. But just know that you will be helping someone in great need. I wish I were wealthy and had a housekeeper to do all this. Housekeeping is obviously not one of my strong-points. I'm not sure what my strong-points are, exactly, but I'm sure I once had some... Somewhere in my past I feel like I once had some...

I found this poem online and loved it. I had to post it so that I will always have it for future reference. So sweet, and so true!

Before I was a Mom I made and ate hot meals.

I had unstained clothing.

I had quiet conversations on the phone.

Before I was a Mom I slept as late as I wanted

And never worried about how late I got into bed.

I brushed my hair and my teeth everyday.

Before I was a Mom, I cleaned my house each day.

I never tripped over toys or forgot words to lullabies.

Before I was a Mom, I didn't worry whether or not my plants were poisonous.

I never thought about immunizations.

Before I was a Mom, I had never been pooped on,

Spit up on,

Chewed on,

Peed on,

Or pinched by tiny fingers.

Before I was a Mom, I had complete control of myself;

My thoughts, My body, And my mind.

I slept all night.

Before I was a Mom, I never held down a screaming child so that doctors could do tests or give shots.

I never looked into teary eyes and cried.

I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin.

I never sat up late hours at night watching a baby sleep.

Before I was a Mom, I never held a sleeping baby just because I didn't want to put it down.

I never felt my heart break into a million pieces when I couldn't stop the hurt.

I never knew something so small could affect my life so much.

I never knew that I could love someone so much.

I never knew I would love being a Mom.

Before I was a Mom, I didn't know the feeling of having my heart outside my body.

I didn't know how special it could feel to feed a hungry baby.

I didn't know that bond between a Mother and her child.

I didn't know that something so small could make me feel so important.

Before I was a Mom, I had never gotten up in the middle of the night every ten minutes to make sure all was okay.

I had never known the warmth,

The joy,

The love,

The heartache,

The wonderfulment,

Or the satisfaction of being a Mom.

I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much before I was a Mom.

- Unknown

As you can see from the photos, Erin and Zach have just finished their first science projects. It was exhausting. For me, not for them. I remember science projects being so much fun as a kid! What happened?? Oh yes. I know. I became the mom. And when your kids are only 7 and 8, the kids' science projects become the mom's science projects.

On the bright side, I really enjoyed spending time with the kids to get this done. Some of it was stressful time, granted. But I like spending time with them and I don't think I do it enough. Also, when I looked today at their posters, I noticed they both had THIRD PLACE RIBBONS on them!!! I didn't tell the kids. I wanted them to be surprised when they go look later with their class. But how exciting! They will be thrilled! They really did help me a lot. I have really great kids. :)

Wally has decided there are way too many pronouns in this world. To solve this crisis, he has eliminated he and his from his vocabulary. This morning he was chatting away to me about Richie.

"Yesterday I went and got him some guys and legos, and him was really happy and that made me happy too. I'm going to go get him some more when him is done with him cereal."

During Family Home Evening this week, he said something like, "Him can't do it." We all lightly laughed and smiled. Scott gently corrected him. "He can't do it." "No. Him can't do it." "No. HE." "No. HIM."

Like I said, it doesn't matter what is grammatically correct. There are just too many pronouns, and come hell or high water, he will fix this problem. Excuse me, I meant, him will fix this problem.

I love being a mother. Not all the time of course, but overall, I love it. Just a few days ago, after having been very onery to everyone for two days straight, I broke down and started bawling to Scott about how I don't feel like I do anything for myself. Everything I do is for someone else, and I was tired and I just wanted some time for ME. Not one of my best days. :) But I'm doing better now, and it reminded me that I do need to make sure I squeeze in time for myself between Russell's feedings and preparing meals and changing diapers and trips to the dentist and reading picture books and teaching piano and stopping fights and trips to the doctor and washing dishes and folding laundry and going grocery shopping and bathing the kids and picking up toys and making beds and occasionally showering... :) So I am writing in my blog today. It is my laundry day. I have at least five loads to get through today. Also, I have dishes piled overflowing in my sink and covering my countertops and an empty dishwasher just waiting to be filled (thanks to my sweet Scott who unloaded it this morning) because yesterday I decided to make homemade cinnamon rolls instead of doing the dishes which were already piled up but soon became completely unmanageable. It's the times that I am behind that I feel the greatest need to spend time for me. I hate to feel overwhelmed and like I am not on top of things....

Ok, so back to my original comment. I love being a mother. My good mom has been emailing out some of her journal entries from when she was a new mother, and they have made me laugh out loud and sometimes cry. I have really been noticing the hilarious things my kids do since then and I wanted to write some of them down.

I have been teaching Erin piano for quite awhile now, and she is very gifted musically and I can tell she likes to play. But because I am her mother, she is very dramatic whenever I ask her to practice. She falls to the floor and begins crying or stomps her feet all the way the piano where she proceeds to jump up and down as loudly as she can. Even writing this makes me totally laugh, which is usually what I do to her until I finally add extra chores to her list or send her to her room. She is so dramatic. I love her to death. Anyway, she especially hates her Technic book because it's just boring finger exercises. When I told her to practice the other day, she cried, "I HATE Technic!!! If there is anything in this world I could destroy it would be Technic!!!" This is what she wrote on her piano book. I got very upset with her and she erased it, but I still want to share because it made me laugh. "ERIN HATES THIS! P.S. she's not egzadgrating!" I love it. She loves to use big words. A few days ago, I went downstairs where she had been taking a shower. She was sitting wrapped in her towel with a very tear-stained face. She had started crying because she was upset with me for making her take a shower. But soon it changed to crying because she said she realized all I did for her and how sad she would be if I died. I held her until she began to feel better. She has so many strong emotions inside her. I told Scott it's strange for me to watch her because I remember doing those same things as a child. She is so much like me it's freaky. She wrote in her journal that night that "Me and mom were very affectionate tonight." So sweet.

Zachie is such an individual. I think his goal in life is to make people laugh. I admit it can get annoying as a parent, but he really is so sweet and plays so well with his little brothers. They follow him around as soon as he gets home from school and he is always willing to play with them, usually whatever they want. He and Wally just play together for hours and hours. He wrote me this note and gave it to me after Sacrament meeting last week. I retained the spelling. "To: Mom & Dad. For my Birthday i want my sims agents, a remot control air plane, idyana jons 2 (Indiana Jones), the nwe (new) starwars, a sled, a snow bord, a pet dog, a pet mous, and some nwe close (new clothes). thank you! love Zach." I just had to laugh. What a list. I got the feeling he wanted to include everything he could possibly think of at the time just to be on the safe side. I love his notes. He writes them for me all the time. The other day he asked me if he could run away. I said no. He asked if he could just pretend to run away. I said as long as he didn't leave the house. So he gathered up all his stuff in a big box, gave me a runaway note, and went downstairs. It was so adorable. His note said that he was running away, but not to worry because he would be fine. He then added that he would just be around the block if we ever wanted to visit. And to "please come visit." It was so cute.

Wally is growing up so much. I put him to work all the time around the house while the kids are at school. And he almost always does whatever I ask. At least ten times a day, he randomly comes up to me and says, "I love you, mom." It is one thing about him I will always always remember. I love that he says that to me all the time. It melts my heart. He is also a very tough, very headstrong, very perfectionist little guy. I see a lot of myself in him too. Yesterday one of my piano students came to the door and knocked. Richie and Wally both ran to answer it. (This happens A LOT at my house) Neither one wanted to relinquish their hold on the doorknob and Wally did NOT want to share. So finally I helped and opened the door to let my poor student in from the freezing rain. Richie ran off to play, and Wally lost all control. He threw himself onto the ground kicking and screaming. I think I put him in his room about 8 times. Each time he came out, he would say amidst his screaming and crying, "Mom. Mom. I want to talk to you." I kept saying I would love to talk to him but he needed to stop throwing a fit first. He would then throw a bigger fit and I would follow him to his room. He didn't want me to touch him, so he would just run to his room every time I approached him. I am trying to do a piano lesson through all of this, by the way. So finally he comes out and is still crying but calm enough to talk to me. He says that he will share with Richie and that he wants the piano student to go back outside so they can let her in. I offer to go out and ring the doorbell instead. But no, it has to be her. She gracefully agreed to do so and went out to ring the doorbell. He also won't open it alone. He wants to "share" with Richie. So we go off to find Richie, and together, they open the door. Then he is happy and good as an angel. He just had to make things right. He couldn't be satisfied until he had fixed the problem exactly as it should be fixed. Very much my little perfectionist.

Richie came up to me yesterday and gave me a big hug and then just started kissing and kissing my hand. It was so adorable. He has started saying "why" to everything Scott and I say. Eventually I run out of reasons and just change the subject, but it seems Scott never tires of it and always comes up with another reason. Richie ADORES Scott. He wakes up asking for his daddy and complains that he wants daddy to do it when I change his diaper. He is always the first to come running and screaming when Scott gets home at night. It is so sweet to watch. And every night in the early morning hours, he comes crawling into bed to cuddle with his daddy.

Russell is the happiest baby I have ever seen. All of my babies have been pretty good, but he is amazing. He sleeps 6-9 hours every night. Six hours is a bad night. Usually it's 8 or 9. And he loves his pacifier so he's always so easy to console. He laughs and smiles at me whenever we make eye contact. Whenever I sing, he gets really excited and laughs and kicks his feet like crazy. If I am holding him and talking to someone, they always randomly start talking and playing with him because he laughs and smiles at them, thinking they are talking to him. He loves interaction. The other kids LOVE him. Erin picks him up and carries him all over the place. This morning Zach, Wally, and Richie were eating breakfast and I brought Russell in to say good morning. They all started cooing and talking to Russell, and Russell laughed and talked back to them. It made me cry. My four little boys. They are all so good, and I love that they love each other. And that's what made me decide today to write this post. I love being a mother.