I love being a mother. Not all the time of course, but overall, I love it. Just a few days ago, after having been very onery to everyone for two days straight, I broke down and started bawling to Scott about how I don't feel like I do anything for myself. Everything I do is for someone else, and I was tired and I just wanted some time for ME. Not one of my best days. :) But I'm doing better now, and it reminded me that I do need to make sure I squeeze in time for myself between Russell's feedings and preparing meals and changing diapers and trips to the dentist and reading picture books and teaching piano and stopping fights and trips to the doctor and washing dishes and folding laundry and going grocery shopping and bathing the kids and picking up toys and making beds and occasionally showering... :) So I am writing in my blog today. It is my laundry day. I have at least five loads to get through today. Also, I have dishes piled overflowing in my sink and covering my countertops and an empty dishwasher just waiting to be filled (thanks to my sweet Scott who unloaded it this morning) because yesterday I decided to make homemade cinnamon rolls instead of doing the dishes which were already piled up but soon became completely unmanageable. It's the times that I am behind that I feel the greatest need to spend time for me. I hate to feel overwhelmed and like I am not on top of things....

Ok, so back to my original comment. I love being a mother. My good mom has been emailing out some of her journal entries from when she was a new mother, and they have made me laugh out loud and sometimes cry. I have really been noticing the hilarious things my kids do since then and I wanted to write some of them down.

I have been teaching Erin piano for quite awhile now, and she is very gifted musically and I can tell she likes to play. But because I am her mother, she is very dramatic whenever I ask her to practice. She falls to the floor and begins crying or stomps her feet all the way the piano where she proceeds to jump up and down as loudly as she can. Even writing this makes me totally laugh, which is usually what I do to her until I finally add extra chores to her list or send her to her room. She is so dramatic. I love her to death. Anyway, she especially hates her Technic book because it's just boring finger exercises. When I told her to practice the other day, she cried, "I HATE Technic!!! If there is anything in this world I could destroy it would be Technic!!!" This is what she wrote on her piano book. I got very upset with her and she erased it, but I still want to share because it made me laugh. "ERIN HATES THIS! P.S. she's not egzadgrating!" I love it. She loves to use big words. A few days ago, I went downstairs where she had been taking a shower. She was sitting wrapped in her towel with a very tear-stained face. She had started crying because she was upset with me for making her take a shower. But soon it changed to crying because she said she realized all I did for her and how sad she would be if I died. I held her until she began to feel better. She has so many strong emotions inside her. I told Scott it's strange for me to watch her because I remember doing those same things as a child. She is so much like me it's freaky. She wrote in her journal that night that "Me and mom were very affectionate tonight." So sweet.

Zachie is such an individual. I think his goal in life is to make people laugh. I admit it can get annoying as a parent, but he really is so sweet and plays so well with his little brothers. They follow him around as soon as he gets home from school and he is always willing to play with them, usually whatever they want. He and Wally just play together for hours and hours. He wrote me this note and gave it to me after Sacrament meeting last week. I retained the spelling. "To: Mom & Dad. For my Birthday i want my sims agents, a remot control air plane, idyana jons 2 (Indiana Jones), the nwe (new) starwars, a sled, a snow bord, a pet dog, a pet mous, and some nwe close (new clothes). thank you! love Zach." I just had to laugh. What a list. I got the feeling he wanted to include everything he could possibly think of at the time just to be on the safe side. I love his notes. He writes them for me all the time. The other day he asked me if he could run away. I said no. He asked if he could just pretend to run away. I said as long as he didn't leave the house. So he gathered up all his stuff in a big box, gave me a runaway note, and went downstairs. It was so adorable. His note said that he was running away, but not to worry because he would be fine. He then added that he would just be around the block if we ever wanted to visit. And to "please come visit." It was so cute.

Wally is growing up so much. I put him to work all the time around the house while the kids are at school. And he almost always does whatever I ask. At least ten times a day, he randomly comes up to me and says, "I love you, mom." It is one thing about him I will always always remember. I love that he says that to me all the time. It melts my heart. He is also a very tough, very headstrong, very perfectionist little guy. I see a lot of myself in him too. Yesterday one of my piano students came to the door and knocked. Richie and Wally both ran to answer it. (This happens A LOT at my house) Neither one wanted to relinquish their hold on the doorknob and Wally did NOT want to share. So finally I helped and opened the door to let my poor student in from the freezing rain. Richie ran off to play, and Wally lost all control. He threw himself onto the ground kicking and screaming. I think I put him in his room about 8 times. Each time he came out, he would say amidst his screaming and crying, "Mom. Mom. I want to talk to you." I kept saying I would love to talk to him but he needed to stop throwing a fit first. He would then throw a bigger fit and I would follow him to his room. He didn't want me to touch him, so he would just run to his room every time I approached him. I am trying to do a piano lesson through all of this, by the way. So finally he comes out and is still crying but calm enough to talk to me. He says that he will share with Richie and that he wants the piano student to go back outside so they can let her in. I offer to go out and ring the doorbell instead. But no, it has to be her. She gracefully agreed to do so and went out to ring the doorbell. He also won't open it alone. He wants to "share" with Richie. So we go off to find Richie, and together, they open the door. Then he is happy and good as an angel. He just had to make things right. He couldn't be satisfied until he had fixed the problem exactly as it should be fixed. Very much my little perfectionist.

Richie came up to me yesterday and gave me a big hug and then just started kissing and kissing my hand. It was so adorable. He has started saying "why" to everything Scott and I say. Eventually I run out of reasons and just change the subject, but it seems Scott never tires of it and always comes up with another reason. Richie ADORES Scott. He wakes up asking for his daddy and complains that he wants daddy to do it when I change his diaper. He is always the first to come running and screaming when Scott gets home at night. It is so sweet to watch. And every night in the early morning hours, he comes crawling into bed to cuddle with his daddy.

Russell is the happiest baby I have ever seen. All of my babies have been pretty good, but he is amazing. He sleeps 6-9 hours every night. Six hours is a bad night. Usually it's 8 or 9. And he loves his pacifier so he's always so easy to console. He laughs and smiles at me whenever we make eye contact. Whenever I sing, he gets really excited and laughs and kicks his feet like crazy. If I am holding him and talking to someone, they always randomly start talking and playing with him because he laughs and smiles at them, thinking they are talking to him. He loves interaction. The other kids LOVE him. Erin picks him up and carries him all over the place. This morning Zach, Wally, and Richie were eating breakfast and I brought Russell in to say good morning. They all started cooing and talking to Russell, and Russell laughed and talked back to them. It made me cry. My four little boys. They are all so good, and I love that they love each other. And that's what made me decide today to write this post. I love being a mother.