I am a wreck. I am tired beyond belief and my house is a disaster area. Here is my confession. I am lucky if I get to the dishes and the laundry and dinner. I am supposed to get laundry done on Mondays and Thursdays. It usually gets washed, but rarely folded let alone put away. I don't remember when I last washed everyone's sheets. Everything beyond laundry, dinner, and dishes doesn't even come close to happening. That includes sweeping, mopping, taking a shower or fixing my own hair, vacuuming, cleaning the bathroom, making beds, picking up the downstairs, cleaning the toyroom, cleaning the hamster cage (Erin told me last night she is just getting used to the stink of it, so it's ok. Heaven forgive me), let alone doing things I want to do like playing the piano or reading or watching a show or reading to the kids.

I am exaggerating some. I do pick up some things sometimes, like when I trip over it or when somebody else is coming over and will see that room. I do shower, although sometimes it's late at night when it finally happens. I occasionally sweep/vacuum -- when it's bad enough. I do usually remember to bathe the kids, although that is sometimes even spotty. I also clean bad areas in the bathrooms occasionally, and Scott usually does a pretty good job of them on the weekends. But everything is basically true.

I walk through my house this morning and just want to cry -- out of depression and being overwhelmed with how much I am truly lacking in this job. I would get fired if I had a boss. You may ask, why are you so behind? What do you do all day? I ask myself the same thing. Obviously I spend some time on the computer. However, I would like to think that is therapeutic and part of what keeps me functioning. Um... I nurse a lot. I teach piano lessons three nights a week. I am just mostly tired. I know I could get more done if I had some energy, but it somehow evades me. I have been exercising pretty regularly recently which gives me an energy boost of about one hour.

I think of my future and look at all my children. I have five (so far), very close in age. I know things just get busier the older they get. Also, I would like to teach elementary school someday when my kids are all in school. HOW WILL I POSSIBLY SURVIVE MY FUTURE!?!?!?! I don't think I am surviving now. UGH.

I have decided. There is no other solution really. I am hiring a maid. And a nanny. Anybody interested in working for me? The pay isn't much... non-existent really. But just know that you will be helping someone in great need. I wish I were wealthy and had a housekeeper to do all this. Housekeeping is obviously not one of my strong-points. I'm not sure what my strong-points are, exactly, but I'm sure I once had some... Somewhere in my past I feel like I once had some...